Failure To Motivate

It’s so difficult to motivate anymore. I’m not sure where the point was that I truly just stopped trying, but the post a few weeks ago, or whenever that was was merely a peak in the madness that has been this funk I’m in. At some point it has to change. At some point I’ll be willing to make it change. But for now, I just can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything.

I need a new bed, which could possibly help me finally have a decent night’s sleep. I look online. I go to mattress stores. I lay on beds that hundreds or thousands of people have laid on. I’m not impressed by anything but what turns out to be the most expensive mattresses around. And there’s no way I’d be willing to spend what little I have on them. I’ve yet to find a compromise, so I remain without a new bed or a good night’s rest.

I need to overhaul my apartment. I need better furniture, not necessarily new furniture. I need things that are better for storage, and I need to get rid of some of the mass I’ve accumulated over the years. I just look at everything piling up and think that I need to get rid of some of it, if I could only motivate to go through it all and determine what must go from what should go at some point in the future.

I need to overhaul myself. I need to get back into some sort of shape physically and mentally that doesn’t have me hating myself as much. Many have recommended that the solution is exercise and medication. I’m not sure why I have to prescibe to things that require me to spend money on things and regiments prescribed to me. There has to be a way to do this without a consumerism angle. But even then it still costs time, and I lack the motivation right now to pay that cost.